Tapir Token |
The Tapirocracy is making history on Solana like a chess genius making 2 moves at a time. |
The typewriter needs fixing but it's time for lunch.
Speaking of lunch, the watermelon isn't free around here. The Tapirocracy is anarchocapitalist! Not as in actual anarchy. More like libertarianism with an an occasional bout of total pandemonium. Its Tapir Token (TAPIR) has a fixed supply (1,000,000) without promissory slush funds. Which is unfortunate because watermelon makes a particularly tasty slush.
Inspired by their human progenitors, the first tapirocrats convened at the Tapirocratic Constitutional Convention, as shown in this recent photo. |
Let others work hard today so you can harass them for watermelon tomorrow.
There's no excuse for poor workmanship unless it's your own.
Never lose sight of your superior's rear end.
Inflation was supposed to be 93% a month but Lulabelle dropped a slice of rotten pineapple into the minting machine and nobody remembers how to repair it. |
104% of tokens earmarked for airdrops to animals with four toes on each hoof.
51% of tokens earmarked for bribing influencers to pretend they like us.
27% of tokens earmarked for watermelon parties in the boardroom.
19% of tokens earmarked for tapirocratic chair-warming bonuses.
13% of tokens earmarked for the security guard so he won't say anything.
8% of tokens earmarked for marking our ears so we don't forget about earmarks.
No earmarks! Last time we did that, Barnabus ended up in jail for durian embezzlement.
Trading is open for all tapirs (including TAH-peerz, tuh-PEERZ, TAY-peerz, and tay-PUHRZ)! Rutherford, the accountant, was too tired to use his abacus so he just dumped the entire token supply into a liquidity pool. He then sent all the LP tokens he received to a burn address, as you can see here. Then he bought the first bag, removed all authorities from the TAPIR contract, and took a bath.
Rutherford taking a bath in the liquidity pool. |
Communism
Dictatorship
Schmoozocracy
Nepotism
Biggest Rear End
Anarchocapitalism
Nobody likes taxes and nobody can trust the Tapirocracy to manage reserves. Therefore there is no budget for anything. Form a candle (the technical term for a group of tapirs), make it happen, and participate in the TAPIR economy. Or just sit back, grab a watermelon, and enjoy the show!
We spent years constructing a new tax processing office. But we ran out of money so now there's a dung heap in the lobby and the sauna still isn't finished, so we decided to eliminate all taxes.
There is no official website because the Tapirocracy can't depend on the performance of any one vendor. This particular one is hosted on the permaweb so generations of future tapirocrats will know about all the scandals we tried to cover up while looking for the delete button on Arweave. For that matter, any tapirocrat can make their own completely fraudulent, contradictory, and nonsensical equivalent. Depending on their diet, it might even smell bad.
No one voice speaks for all, so better to join the Tapirocracy on social media!
No phone number is required but you have to hang out and be lazy for 10 minutes before posting, just to prove you're a tapir.
Join here.
@TapirToken was created for the purpose of broadcasting the latest incompetent unprofessional nonsense. Any other account claiming to represent TAPIR is probably even less legitimate. Follow or be fired!
Do you know someone who can help spread the word? Leave them a comment or send them a few TAPIR.
Want to grow the community? Tell all your followers why TAPIR is a monetary embarrassment cobbled together by quadruped rookies who forgot how to enable inflation.
Stumbled upon a human organization exhibiting tapirocratic behavior? Thank them for their contribution to the Tapirocracy. Then flee the scene before a watermelon rind comes flying your way!
TAPIR is the status symbol that signifies your membership in the Tapirocracy. It's backed by a love of all things tapirocratic. And if you're really demanding then we might throw in a few dung beetles for free.
TAPIR is built on the Token-2022 standard, which is supported by Phantom wallet and possibly others.
Head over to jup.ag (or maybe some other DEX), tap the swap button, and search for TAPIR. Keep your hoofs off the keyboard while you verify that the contract address matches the one below, then inspect the potential transaction costs.
TAP1RNAcj5x49QfHjUXrDvzLPwBkKf5hqiY8m9bhUGj
Sell anytime. The Tapirocracy isn't going anywhere. Just don't tell Moomoo in Finance! Last time a tapirocrat quit, she urinated in the staff kitchen.
Yours truly. |